Couldn’t Sleep
JLA at the Algiers Goldbug Golf Tournament in 2015.
Couldn’t Sleep
On Tue, Jan 22, 2013, at 1:43 PM, James Algiers wrote:
Dear Louie,
I awoke this morning at 3am. I had been dreaming, a disturbing dream, and couldn’t fall asleep, again at this ungodly hour. My dream was that my son Tim had told me of his retirement. He, being a lawyer, was anticipating retirement at 58 years of age. Truly I am unable to recall if he told me, or if it was a dream. I couldn’t understand why he would consider retirement at this, the most productive time of his career.
It disturbed me, I was unable to sort dream from a real state.
Makes me think of retirement and of my life for the past twenty five years. I retired from the practice of Medicine at the age of 62, the biggest mistake of my life. Not that I have been bored, but I have not lived to my potential, and I regret it greatly. I did experience a ten year period of rebirth in Medicine when I commuted for a part time position on the faculty of the Medical College of Wisconsin. There I was rewarded by the knowledge that with a little bit of effort I could compete as an Assistant Professor of Medicine on the Outpatient Faculty. However a move to the city was probably necessary and I had no desire for such a drastic move; another bad decision.
The daily commute, in all kinds of weather had no attraction and consequently I decided to continue on a part time, every other day schedule. In retrospect, probably a different decision would have been better suited, a schedule of four days each week, and a move to the suburbs might have accomplished a more suitable life structure. But it was not to be and for ten years I commuted on a part time basis. I learned one thing.
I could compete, I could influence and teach Clinical Medicine as well as the professional staff of the College. All that was needed from me, and by me, was commitment and change of location. This, foolishly, I did not do. The commute on Highway 41 was too much, and after the ten years I quit.
But the ten years demonstrated an ability to teach and to compete with the “big boys” on the academic stage. I found that genius was ninety percent application and ten percent presentation. I could and did make an impression, and I did full fill a life time dream of academic presence. I did fulfill an ambition. It was satisfactory, and I enjoyed each minute.
But, the ambivalence of continual driving to and from the academic campus prompted total retirement at age 72. Now at the age of 87, I dream of what could have been and I wonder where the time has gone. From the age of 72 until the present I have been busy doing other retirement chores. We, Dorothy and I, went on a few cruises; to Rome, to Greece, through the Panama canal, up to Norway, Sweden, down to Mexico, into the southwest, out East for the fall colors, and to our cottage when so desired. So in retrospect, we enjoyed travel, but now hesitate even to drive to visit in Mississippi.
I had some accomplishments since 1990. For many years I have been very active in the Medical Center Foundation of Hartford and with the director have had fundraising drives, one of which raised $750,000 for the construction of the 1022 Club - an adult day care center for Memory Loss patients; a center which furnishes daily care to elderly citizens with the problems of long term care at home. The care givers benefit in having a respite center, cost effective and local. It has been very successful. The “Club” furnishes care to fifteen or so patients daily. We also established an annual golf tournament, the first in the area and have over 23 years raised over seven hundred thousand dollars for the foundation. It is called the “Gold Bug Golf tournament,” a fitting name. These two activities have kept me somewhat busy, until recently. Now most days, I search for things to do and wonder if some mistakes were made in curtailing work too soon. And I suppose that is true.
Other activities have been most interesting. Since 2000, I have prepared over thirty TV interviews with a bright, pleasant young lady. These interviews have been on medical topics,, historical events of Hartford, and activities in the city which have occurred over my lifespan. The present TV shows have been called “Reflections” and most recently the Reflections have shared time with “Letters to Louie”. The audience is not large; the time slots have been compromised by the Common council and their avaricious greed for the telecasting dollar. We lost many dollars of designated funding to the tax base of the city as a whole; ah, the power of government. In spite of budgetary funding on a downward spiral, the show continues and the audience increases, slowly.
These activities have in the past produced a rounded calendar of interesting hobbies. But now at the age of 87 one must adjust and find more centers of interest. Writing seems to be an activity of interest. I updated the program on my computer and found at least 200 writings which if properly orchestrated, might be of publishing worth, but most likely will gather dust and mold and never see a binding.
And so Louie, what now? Do you have any words of wisdom, any direction to be taken?
What might I do now? I dislike the thought of sitting and becoming morose, I so need activity and so need to keep the low back pain in control. Pain from spinal stenosis is destructive and spring time, summer time golfing suffers as does yard work and driving. This aging process goes on day by day, it nibbles at the soma and rots the psyche.
It is a bad day when the highlight of the week has been the purchase of a Cemetery Plot.
And for this reason, we must always… Keep the Faith.
Until later,
Jim
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