Problems of Aging & The Golden Age
JLA - golfing at age 92.
Dear Louie,
As one ages, age becomes an associate. All or most of our actions are controlled by, modified, or inhibited by advancing age and associated problems. Initially, we laugh about aches and pains, clumsiness of actions, or memory loss. Later we rue the day of aging and wonder where youth or at least middle age has gone. We laugh at forgetfulness and silently curse the missed appointment, we recall days of full calendars but are happy with a day without ringing phones. Ribald jokes are replaced by stories related to the “blue pill”, and later functional incontinence becomes a reality. Age becomes a “back to reality, and accommodations are made by self, partner, and friends. We adjust to aging, we, basically are happy to adjust, as we look at the empty chairs, note the changing neighborhoods, and hesitate to visit at the Care Centers. Our actions are self-centered and protective. We admit to what we are doing, but really are not proud of our actions -- actions of not calling friends, of not visiting friends, of not speaking or confiding our thoughts and desires to our soul mates, we become moody and withdrawn, not really, nice people. All because we fail to admit to the changes of aging. To admit to the inevitable body and mental deterioration. In this failure, we miss the true pleasure of aging.
Basically, age does have pleasures. The most basic pleasure is that to date we have not experienced our departure, we have not, as yet, appeared in the obits. We are still “looking down at the grass, not up to the grass.” The other day, a Thursday, a Men’s Day at the golf course, the first nice Thursday in a month, a rite of spring was carried out. Old friends greeted each other, hands were shaken, with a little more warmth than in past years, eye searching for contact was carried out and true friendships were reestablished. Some foursomes were changed and empty spots were filled. Stories were told, past episodes were embellished and laughter was present. Truly, the “right of spring or summer” was reestablished and for that moment we were young again. All present were happy to be there, genuinely happy to see friends from the past, a reunion of spirit, a moment fulfilled. And the greatest, was a change in Tee boxes.
I had a great friend who has died a number of years ago. He was a friend with whom I played almost every Thursday for ten or more years. He aged gracefully, always kept busy, was competitive and for the most was pleasant. He always maintained that after the age of sixty-five all golfers yearly lost five yards off the tee box. He lived to be ninety-eight and died four days after he quit playing, one Thursday after he dubbed his first drive. That was it, four days later he died: he had purchased a new Buick seven days earlier, only 128 miles on the odometer. His clubs also were new the year he died.
But to get back to the important aspects of aging. On a golf course, there are tee boxes; driving locations for the first shot on each hole. Usually, there are blue stations, white stations, and red. The red boxes are for the “women”; they are shorter and demand less distance on the drive. According to my old friend, as the distance is lost one moves up from blue to white, but really not to red, not to the women’s tee box, maybe to the “forward tees”. There are some psychological barriers in aging, especially in aging men! Bifocals and hearing aides are acceptable. Canes and modified sanitary pads are never discussed and rarely used, even though the need exists. However one does not play from the women’s tee box!
The USGA, the United States Golf Association has begun a subtle program to address the problem of shortened drives and higher scores in the aging male population. There are a number of reasons for this. Shortened drives mean higher scores, mean demeaning loss of ability, meaning that probably the Ladies’ tees might be used, or should be used. There certainly is available cash for playing golf, in the older male population. For those reasons, some effort should be made to regain and maintain ego status on the golf course - the place of alter life for many. What better stimulus than to have a fourth Tee box, close to the women’s tee box, but identified with another color. What better color than Gold Tee Boxes. Tee boxes for the Golden Aged group, tee boxes, forward in location, but not as short as the women’s tees. This has been accomplished at the local club and I can attest to the fact that for many the charm of the game has been rekindled, we now can again score in the forties for nine holes; a wonderful change in the game. This is a way to use the remaining skills and to maintain the dignity of aging without a transgender makeover. That simple change, in location and in color of the Tee boxes, is as important as the “blue pill.” But, on to other hand, that simple change is one of the more important changes in aging, dignity is maintained.