June 5, 2011

Dear Louie,

During the past two weeks I have had a period of absence of good productive thoughts, a time of almost lack of thinking, a time of difficulty in coming to conclusions, of making judgements, of proceeding in writing, but a time of some accomplishment. My garden, small as it is, is growing and I have a ritual, one gallon of water for six tomato plants each day, await rain for the lettuce, peas, beans, and spinach-- so far the plan works. Also, got sick and tired of waiting for a mason to repair a few blocks in the basement, bought some premix and sloped concrete on the block in the "fallout shelter,” now storm shelter in the basement. I intend to repair a stone wall in the front of the house, a thirty year old wall, of veneer Carolina stone, which has begun to separate veneer sections from the gravel, cement block interstates. Will do that tomorrow, and I am not at all sure of the outcome.

But to get back to the original thought of this letter. I have been planning on a T.V.program, a local talk show presentation-- this one would be on Insomnia in Our Audience. The audience is the older segment of the Channel 96 Hartford audience. A pleasant, good looking interviewer and I have done many shows over a five or six year time frame, and truthfully I am running out of topics to develop present and future programs. Have spoken on medical topics, many, of social issues, on current infectious diseases, on trauma, on CO intoxication, on alcoholism and driving, on seat belts, and now am at a loss for future topics. I believe my brain is in a shutdown mode, and must be stimulated somehow, someway, or atrophy will increase at an intolerable rate.

For many years I have been able to regenerate on the golf course, but this year after a carpal tunnel surgical procedure I suffer from a post op inflammation of the hypothenar eminence, near the base of the fifth finger. It is tender and inhibits my "Stricker" follow through, thereby relegating my game to the ash bucket of recall and memory. Can't recall any good shots, even in the confines of my easy chair watching the Brewers.

But to get back to the initial thought. I find that as I have aged, many thoughts occur daily, scattered in nature and not in depth in content. Whereas in the past one would recognize a task or a problem, the ideas would flow in a consistent manner, judgements would be made and accomplishments were thought out and accomplished. Now consistent thoughts are difficult to generate, logical arguments cannot be counted on, and conclusions are not assured. There is a hiatus between questions and logical conclusions, a vacuum of progressive thought processes. Somehow it seems as a lazy brain is functioning much less; but I have an idea it is more than a lazy brain.

I admit the process seems to be a cognitive deficiency syndrome in which the neurons fail to initiate and transmit excitable currents from one synapse to the next. There are pathways to nowhere, and there are processes which lack direction and fluidity of function. And that concerns me. Add to this process, a body which responds poorly; a back that aches, even when sitting, legs which function slowly, and stumbles that occur easily, and are worrisome, and one comes to the conclusion that the Obit Column is not too far off.

This begs the question of what should be done. In my experience of fifty years of active practice, and now ten years of active observation, I have been unable to come to a better directive than the direction given by my aging father many years ago, when he said, "There is only one way to age, that is day by day - but damn it do something, accomplish some task each day and enjoy work."

And I believe he was right. Daily tasks should be addressed in the capability of the day, not in the memories of "youth.” Each day is a series of youthful activities; each minute is an aging experience, and the next activity is more youthful than the last. So instead of aging with each passing minute, we are privileged to have subsequent youthful experiences. I am going to listen to the thoughts of "John" my Father, and "damnit do it."

Anytime you want to "can" these letters, the freedom is a keystroke away.

I do appreciate an audience.

Jim